A trip down memory lane

I always cringe, a lil bit, whenever I forget to blog. Blogging is not a chore for me, I do like it, it brings me a lot of enjoyment that I otherwise would not have derived from life. And there are a lot of other things that I like doing, some of which take priority, life happens, yadidadida. 

I went to hit the pavement this morning, slightly apprehensive following my most recent injury, and had to stop just before hitting 5km. It was not like I ended up limping, it was just that I felt the early stages of the pain returning. I got scared, okay. I stopped running and walked home. 

Circa 2008, I finally became a doctor. I returned to the love of my life that is travelling and set off on a 2 months trip to the land of the US of A, spending the majority of it in LA, with the above being my favourite spot. Favourite as in I would go there whenever I could, as often as I could and if anyone asked the question, then that would be the answer. What can I say, I play favourites and once I have my heart set on something, that's it. It's like rum and raisin, the ice cream. It is not just the number one choice, it is the only choice. I would rather not have ice cream if it's not rum and raisin. 

I realised that I can't quite articulate why I like that spot. I mean, the malls were (and probably still are) great and back then, I was more into shopping than I am today, so it was shopping heaven, enabled by the fact that I was not as meticulous about what went into my wardrobe as I am today. Fast fashion was definitely the bomb. Such a far cry from where I am today in terms of wardrobe and style. 

Well, we live and learn. 

"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had and I'm not sad because I no longer have it." Colette

My shopping ban

On the 20th August 2013, I put myself voluntarily on a shopping ban. I got a dear friend to join me. It did not take much convincing because we both did it once before and spectacularly failed within 3 days. In the interest of full disclosure, my damage was a big box of Calvin Klein underwear, which I desperately needed at the time. Note to anyone contemplating on embarking on a shopping ban: make sure you have decent underwear before you do anything.

The shopping ban was supposed to be a month, loosely defined by me as 30 days. That pretty much meant it concluded on the 18th September 2013. We both graduated with flying colours. I officially ended my ban, while my friend continues with hers until Christmas. She asked if I would like to continue with her, I was not sure. And as in the case when I was not sure about something, I declined.

The aim of my voluntary admission into the shopping ban is primarily because I want to know whether I have a shopping addiction (and also because I desperately want to have something to blog about). A lot of people define shopping addiction differently, and I am not really interested in going down that discussion path. During the ban, my test would in the form of the kind of withdrawal symptoms I experience. I admit that there were moments during which I felt edgy and rather annoyed that I did not have the choice to purchase, but I am happy to report that I did not feel like purchasing all of those things that were loaded in my virtual shopping carts - a sure sign that those potential purchases are impulsive in nature. It was especially hard when ASOS was having an additional 10% off sale items, which made certain things ridiculously affordable, definitely desired but totally not needed.

I guess in some ways, I do have a shopping addiction. I am not sure I can ever be free from this "addiction", and I have resigned to the fact that the best I can do is to actually manage it. This is because as I have said over and over and over again, I like beautiful things: looking at them, touching them, smelling them... ha!

There is no secret to the successful execution of not-shopping other than the fact that one has to actively work on the passive act of not shopping. Controlling the urge to do anything is difficult, almost as difficult as motivating oneself to do something, perhaps because they are essentially the same thing. To not do something often requires us to do something else, which we may or may not like as much as the thing that we are abstaining from.

Whilst I temporarily stopped shopping, what I did not stop doing is evaluating my wardrobe, and this is one of the many revelations that I had during the ban: my hobby is associated with my wardrobe more than with shopping. So I learn this rather powerful skill called editing, and for the first time in my life, understand why there are professions called "editors".

The shopping ban was not easy, takes a lot of concious effort and is definitely worth it. I say this because I did not have a binge session at the completion of the ban, although I realised that this was a very real possibility, and was something that I was rather scared of. I don't have a secret weapon on how to handle this, it just that while the opportunity to binge did present itself a number of times, I have no desire to succumb to temptation. Why this was the case I have no idea. Meanwhile, I will just be happy to getting one step closer to a well-curated wardrobe.  

I dont want to live forever

 I just want to live my best life.

Woman in the mirror

Every now and then I wake up in the morning thinking to myself that today is going to be the day that I am going to dress a lil' bit better than I did yesterday, if only for the mere fact that I need to show a lil' bit more respect to the people that I am going to see that day.

I guess what I really want to say is that, I have those mornings whereby I feel ... lazy...and incredibly so at that. I do want to blame this on the weather, but after noticing this particular pattern, I realise that this is rather independent of the state of the mother nature. When that happens, I tell myself to dress up in the name of respecting the people that I am going to see that day, one of which is myself. Hey, that's what the mirror is for right?

What are you supposed to look like? (And your personal style)

I've been thinking about expectations. It is true that in this life we may not be able to escape societal expectations, especially when it comes to metrics of success, including how we are supposed to look like. I am pretty sure that groomed and clean would be somewhere up there because the alternative of being grotty and yucky is not that acceptable on the grand scheme of things that involves other people. Or in other words, how we decide to look for an occasion is very much an extension of being respectful of others...

... and we get judged by how we look. Say what? It's true. First impression is everything and for a lot of people, this comes in visual form, virtual or non-virtual: we only see what we want to see.

Back to the original question: what are you supposed to look like? I mean, given the option of looking like anything you want to look like, what sort of looks would you pull off? And how many times have you changed this so far in your life?

I've changed mine so many times that I've lost count. I call it a series of on-going experiment, which I am okay with, but it does beg the question as to whether there are items in my wardrobe that have been around for more than 5 years. The answer is probably no.

On not buying things and why I blog

I'd like to think that my shopping habits when it comes to my wardrobe is "normal", but this is quite possibly because of my definition of "normal" rather than it being normal as per societal standards. These days, I don't exactly know what societal standard is when it comes to a woman's clothes shopping, but I think it's safe to say that women are expected to shop more than men.

For a few weeks now, I have been slowly reading Debbie Roes' Recovering Shopaholic blog. A lot of things that she wrote resonated with me, largely because ever since I got onto Project RumnRaisin, a constant theme that I have when it comes to dressing up is that nothing fits. And since nothing fits, I've been mostly overwhelmed by the number of clothes that I can't wear. Debbie's blog documents her journey of paring down her closet, and I quite like her engineer-like approach.

A significant part of the equation when it comes to paring down the size of one's closet is not buying things - be it new or thrifted. Ebay is my Achilles heel when it comes to the latter, where as for the former, oh well, asos.com. I have not exactly been staying away from these two sites, but I am happy to report that my purchasing frequency has slowed down quite significantly ever since I start reading Debbie's blog.

Long story short, Debbie's blog got me thinking. How many people out there really want to have a well edited closet, a well curated selection, engage in thoughtful dressing and effective shopping strategy? More importantly, how many of these people realise that to achieve these desires take a lot of work and effort and well, thoughts. We are expected to look good, effortlessly; but to look good is bloody effort-ful.   

Before I started this blog, I told myself that I do not wish to have a style blog that's geared towards selling, selling and selling. There is nothing wrong with such blogs, and I get that bloggers want to have an income source, but that's not what I want for mine.

I don't mind recommending a few things here and there, and I guess, in the process, end up selling them. The point of difference is that I do not wish to mindlessly link items that I am interested in whenever I browse shopping websites (and there are many of them). I'd like to recommend high quality items that are affordable, for example, because I am largely sick and tired of all the shitty quality clothes that seem to be infesting the market at the moment. I get that these cheap items are very popular with the younger crowd (yes, I was one of them), and I wonder if things had been different for me had I had this awareness of fabric quality when I was younger.

I think a significant part of dressing well means we exercise discipline when it comes to the things that get inside our closets. This discipline is worth exercising because (1) our closets will be that much closer to being well edited and (2) our wallets will thank us for it, and in my case, since I live in a small apartment, (3) my closet is not overfilled with stuff I can't wear.

And just like any form of exercise, this is hard work. 

Happy people

Happy people are happy, whether they are rich or poor. Unhappy people are unhappy, whether they are rich or poor. It has nothing to do with the size of their bank accounts, or the stash of money under their beds.

Money simply presents us with opportunities to expand our lives. Whether we utilise it or not, that makes all the difference.